Sunday, December 13, 2009

The beginning

12 weeks have gone by and I should have been writing an article a day but that didn’t happen. What’s new? Time flies when you're having fun, they say, or time flies when you're tired, disorganized and scared. I'm pretty preoccupied with the future -- with deciding how what specialty fits into my life plan (or fits my emotional and egotistical desires that day) and when I should take step 2, step 3, which residencies to apply to, worrying about my visa status. Instead of just studying now. I have to admit, I enjoy planning my not so distant future and obsessing over it, but I also need to save some of that energy up for the situation that's right before me - rotations. It's week 11 of 12 for IM, my first rotation as an MSIII and fortunately, I'm not burnt out yet. I'm tired, but not burnt out (I think). I still enjoy meeting patients, hearing their stories, figuring out their problems and navigating the galaxy of differentials, diagnostics and treatments. But I'm really good at finding the joy in things and that sometimes can be a curse. It makes decision-making difficult because I'm unable to find subjective reasons that would help me rule out or rule in certain factors. I can only hope, that in the next year, I can be truly honest with myself, truly understand myself to know what I would be most fulfilled with in the future.

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